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How do you make yourself happy - simple, have happy thoughts.
Our thoughts govern our behaviour and the more we think in a certain way the more we will think in a certain way - we produce habits in our thinking. So what is a habit?
A habit is something that we actually do without thinking so we could be fooled into believing that because we didn't think about it it's not our fault. Well the fact is for us to be able to do something without thinking we must have at some time in the past had to apply our mind to it otherwise we could never have learned how to do it. For example, think of the first time you had to learn a new skill, like riding a bike or perfecting a martial arts move, or giving a new presentation or adopting a new position at work. In the early stages of each of these examples you will have had to apply your mind and focus your attention on what you wanted to perfect until you were happy with the outcome. Once happy with the outcome you would then stop worrying about it.
Habits are merely patterns that occur in our thinking and in our behaviour. In short they are 'mental grooves' that the needle of our thinking falls into without us having to think about it.
Here is a fact, every time you think or behave in a certain way you increase the probabilities that you will think or behave that way again. In a book called "The Inner Game of Tennis" by W. Timothy Gallwey he explains this phenomena excellently:
"One hears a lot of talk about grooving one's strokes in tennis. The theory is a simple one: every time you swing your racket in a certain way, you increase the probabilities that you will swing that way again. In this way patterns, called grooves, build up which have a predisposition to repeat themselves..It is as if the nervous system were like a record disc. Every time an action is performed, a slight impression is made in the microscopic cells of the brain, just as a leaf blowing over a fine-grained beach of sand will leave its faint trace. When the same action is repeated, the groove is made slightly deeper. After many similar actions there is a more recognisable groove into which the needle of behaviour seems to fall automatically."
Habits are statements about the past so acting without thinking is simply reliving the past every day. This is ok if we like what we are doing or if we are enjoying our life, but what if were don't? What if we don't like the reality of the way we are living our life? What if we don't enjoy being depressed or stressed? What if we want to change the fact that we are too quick to anger?
Many of you will know how hard it can be to fight your way out of a deep mental groove and this is possibly why some 'talk therapies' don't work. A fact is that if you spend time talking or focussing on the very behaviour that you don't like you actually help create a deeper groove (what you focus on you get more of).
Well there's a simpler solution - simply change the way you think. In simple terms 'cut yourself a new groove'!!
Now this may sound simple but there is a saying that says: "neurones that fire together wire together" (Hebb's Law). What that means is the more we think a certain way the more we will strengthen the neurological connections that deepen that particular groove linking the cells in the mind that allow us to think that way without thinking - unconscious habitual behaviour is born. This is known as reconsolidation.
However, there is also another statement of fact and that is: "use it or lose it - neurones that fire apart wire apart". In essence the less we think in a certain way the more likely we are to break the habit.
Therefore, if you want to stop feeling sad stop thinking sad thoughts and replace those sad thoughts with happy ones. If we do this then the 'groove' made by the habitual sad thinking is weakened and the groove made by the new happy thinking becomes more entrenched.
One of the most successful therapies used for combating depression is an exercise called 'Panning for Gold'. This exercise involves someone having to find and write down five positive or good experiences that have had every day over a pre-determined period of time. In addition, every-time that same person has a negative thought they are to think of something nice - not explore the negative thought, simply replace it with a positive one. What this exercise does is create and strengthen new functional thinking whilst undoing and weakening the dysfunctional thinking habits.
For those of you attending the Restraint Instructors Qualifying Course in September and October you will see more of this in action and those of you attending the BTEC Level 3 Coaching Course next June will receive in-depth instruction in this area as well as other areas of NLP and Positive Psychology.
If you are not attending the Restraint Instructors Qualifying Course or the BTEC Level 3 Coaching Course, but would like to attend a course to change the way you think keep your eyes open for some new courses on Quantum Thinking which we will be running later on this year.
Other Related Articles:
Happiness Now! - more info
The Mechanics of Memory, Reconsolidation Theory and the Training Connection - more info
Stress, its effect on Health, and how to Manage it - more info
An update on Stress Management - more info |
