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All communication is hypnosis. Well that’s a thought, isn’t it? If what I have just written has made you think, or if it made you feel something towards what I have written, then did you focus your attention on one thing at the exclusion of others?
To understand what I’m going on about you would need to understand what I mean by hypnosis.
Many people still believe that to be hypnotised the person has to go into a deep trance like state so that the hypnotist can ‘suggest’ various things to them so that when they awaken from their trance they will either remember or forget, depending what was suggested, that which the hypnotherapist wants them to remember or forget. This is because the hypnotherapist was seen as someone with authority who could impose their control over others by manipulation of other people’s minds.
There are still instructors today who think that a communications model developed in the 1950’s and 1960’s for radio operators is still functional as an instructional model today for interpersonal and intrapersonal communication skills training, for students paying for and attending conflict management training courses!
There was also (and possibly still is) a ‘flat earth’ society, who believed that the world was flat and if you travelled too far you would fall of it. They believed this because the people who told them this were people in authority.
Even today, we still believe, without question, things that are told to us by people in authority simply because we allow them the authority to influence us by our passivity.
However, you do not have to go into a deep trance to experience a hypnotic state, and I promise you that the world isn’t flat either.
Hypnosis is fundamentally a trance state, and a trance state is basically the focus of attention at one thing at the exclusion of others. Anger for example is a trace state. So is making love, fear, anxiety, taking your dog for a walk, driving your car and even watching your favourite television programme.
In addition, words, either spoken to written have a reality of their own specific to the model of the world of the person hearing or reading them.
For example, if I say or write the word “Rose” some of you may think of a flower, others may remember someone they once knew by that name.
How many times have we either misinterpreted what someone was saying to us or had what we said misunderstood by them?
What happens is that when we hear or read something our minds go back in time to recover something that is associated to what we are hearing or reading, and attached to that memory will be an emotion. That is why you can be driving in your car when you hear a song from your past that takes you back in time to your first love and you begin to experience the emotions associated with it. In contrast we can also hear something that can cause us to associate a negative emotion to what someone says, based on how you had been spoken to in the past and how you felt about what they said. In hypnotic terms this is referred to as age-regression.
In addition, we can also project our minds into the future to image what someone might say to us based on our past experiences. For example, if I want to borrow my neighbour’s lawnmower, but I remember that the last time I asked him if I could borrow something he begrudgingly lent it to me I might start imagining what he may say if I ask him to lend me his lawnmower. I may even work myself up imaging how rude he may be, to the extend that when I next see him and he says “good morning” I tell him where he can stick his lawnmower - much to his shock and disbelief. In hypnosis this is called age-progression where we imagine an outcome that hasn’t occurred yet.
In both examples I have focused my attention and in doing so I have got an emotional reaction to support the way I am thinking about whatever it is I am applying my mind to. I have induced my own hypnotic state in a way that is unique to me.
One of the pre-requisites of NLP is that ‘the purpose of communication is in its’ effect’, therefore, if what you are saying isn’t having the effect you want change what you are saying or the way you are saying it.
“If you focus only on where you don’t want to go that possibly exactly where you’ll end up.”
What is true is that what you focus on you get more of. Your conscious mind can only focus on between 5 - 9 bits of information every second, but your unconscious mind takes in 2 million bits of information every second, however, you are only consciously aware of what you are focusing on. Therefore, a lot of information has an effect at an unconscious level which is where a lot of learning takes place. Therefore, if you look for information to support your good mood you’ll find it. If you look for information to support your bad mood you’ll find that too as you only need to find between 5 - 9 bits of information out of 2 million to achieve that goal. Ever known someone who feels like things go wrong for them all the time, or someone who seems to go from one bad relationship to another? On the contrary you will also know people who always seem to be ‘lucky’ - good things always happen to them. What you focus on you get more of so if you are focusing on what you don’t want that’s exactly what you are very possibly likely to get!
Within the realms of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and Cognitive Hypnotherapy there are some excellent communication skills tools that allow us to understand better how what we say influences others and how what we listen to (and what we say to ourselves) influences our attitude and behaviour.
Being better skilled at communication allows us to build rapport quicker, resolve disputes more effectively, reduce our own personal stress levels and ultimately allow us to move forwards to wards what it is we want out of life.
To be an efficient trainer, coach, therapist or indeed, just a more effective human being, we all need to be better communicators. The ability to communicate with a wider and broader variety of skill allows you to understand more efficiently what others are saying at a deeper level. By being able to do this it makes us more effective at producing win-win outcomes to interpersonal situations. It also enables us to be more effective at handling our own intrapersonal communication between our own internal voices, yes you do it to yourself too, you are probably doing it right now by saying to yourself "what the ….. is he taking about", and by identifying this you become better at managing your own emotional state.
Sadly, in a lot of conflict management programmes being run today the communication skills modules are very, very old. They originate from a now out-dated military model that was used to teach basic radio-transmission communication skills to radio operators back in the 50’s and 60’s, which was never intended to be taught as an interpersonal or intrapersonal model for communication.
Today there is a wealth of new evidential research into how we communicate at social and psychological levels and these skills need to be taught if we are to create staff who are competent communicators and it is time to put these old models into retirement. They’ve served their purpose but alas they are now redundant. Putting things into context if you needed a new television would you prefer a 1960’s valve set with 2 channels or one of today’s new models?
We have introduced much of the above information and much, much more into our Conflict Management training modules on communication skills to ensure that our students get the best and most up to date and effective learning available, so that they are better equipped and better skilled with more modern thinking methods to enable them to be the best at what they do.
How do you feel about what you have seen and heard, now?
Our next Conflict Management Training Programme will be taking place between the 27th November – 1st December at Swindon College. If you are interested in attending contact us by clicking here.
We are also intending to run the Edexcel BTEC Level 3 Award in Close Protection Operations in August, which will include a communication skills model, based on up to date and current knowledge. If you are interested in attending contact us by clicking here.
In addition, if you are considering running conflict management training or communication skills training in-house contact us about how we can help you get more for your money.
Mark Dawes is a Master Practitioner of NLP and a Licensed Cognitive Hypnotherapist.
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