As you know I regularly try to help as many people as much as I can and in virtually all cases the interaction is generally a very positive one that helps them and creates progression in the right direction for them.
However, I recently had a conversation with someone that left me feeling disappointed and very concerned for them.
It was with a person who was severely upset, angry and aggressive about how other people and life (in general) had treated them.
The interaction on their part was very hostile and extremely aggressive, continually blaming others for everything that had happened to them.
Now I’m not disputing that this person hadn’t been wronged and/or that they didn’t have the right to carthasise their feelings of anger, hatred and hostility, but at no point during the conversation did they accept any responsibility for anything at all. In short it was all someone else’s fault.
The conversation was very interesting for me not only because it highlighted some very interesting NLP language structures that we’ll be covering on our next Conflict Management Trainer Course in May, but also because the more this person ranted and raved the more I could see the damage that they were causing to themselves, which was self-evident in the way they looked.
Let me explain.
As you will know our body is made up of various organs, that are in turn made up of cells, that are in turn made up of atoms which, when looked at closely are 99.99999% empty space.
In fact if you took all of this empty space out of every atom in your body what would be left in terms of physical state would be nothing bigger than a grain of sand. And if you took all of the empty space out of every atom in every human being on the planet (all 8 billion of us) which would be left would be nothing bigger than something the size of a tennis ball or apple.
But this empty space is not actually empty. It is energy. 99.999999% of our physical state is made up of it.
And our emotional state decides what type of energy or frequency range we produce, and all this can be seen and heard if you look and listen closely enough (as I’ll be showing you on the Conflict Management Trainer Course in May).
Emotion literally means ‘energy in motion’ and in Latin it means to stir, to agitate, to move.
But what happens when we ‘stir up negative energy’ within ourselves?
Well a number of things happen. We produce toxins that pollute every one of the trillions of cells that make up our physical state. We deplete the immune system that makes us more susceptible to illness and disease and we can actually create physical pain within ourselves.
The fact is when we choose to think in a negative way we produce a maladaptive stress response within ourselves.
For example, if the thought or memory of someone or a situation causes you to react negatively to it, the body reacts as though it is happening right now because our brains do not know the difference between perception and reality (and again this is something I’ll be covering in more depth on the 2 x day Conflict Management Trainer Course).
Now all organisms in nature are designed for short term stress. A gazelle gets chased by a Lion and 15 minutes later it goes back to grazing as if nothing has happened and everything returns to its normal balance.
However, human beings are different. We can turn on the stress response just by thought alone. We can think about a past bitter memory and like magic it comes to life and in that moment it’s real.
When this happens our heart rate increases, our immune system is suppressed, we become more anxious and (in some cases) angry and aggressive because we are not in control of the way we choose to think.
According to numerous experts the core of every symptom of illness, stress and disease are emotions and memories that trigger the maladaptive stress response.
A major problem is that we let negative emotions build up inside us because we’ve been programmed to believe in certain values and beliefs, such as “real men don’t cry”, “never back down”, “you must finish what you’ve started”, and so on.
So these emotions build, with nowhere to go and at some stage, just like a dam with a crack in it it eventually breaks due to the massive amount of pressure from the water being held back, and a large amount of damage is done.
Thinking negatively and the responses you get from it is also an addiction.
In the same way that taking heroin becomes addictive, so does negative thinking. It produces a chemical reaction in the brain that you come to rely on. So after a short while you need your ‘fix’ so you recall the thought that is responsible for producing the chemical reaction in your brain and the physical reaction in your body accompanied by the behaviour associated with it or you look for the next new reason to justify your negativity.
And the more that happens the more reasons you find for it to happen again. The more you find people and circumstances to blame just so you can have your fix.
In another discussion with someone else some time ago they repeated a very similar story. This time they had been (in their words) ripped off by a business partner. Their sister-in-law had also apparently previously ripped them off in a similar way and he was paranoid that another person was planning to rip him off too.
Is the trend unfolding for you?
I called this ‘Witnessing A Conversation With Death’ because all of this only serves to shorten your life.
Science is now proving that all negative, angry or frustrated thoughts are destructive to our cells and speed up the aging process. And for people with serious illnesses, a pessimistic attitude allowed their condition to worsen faster than anticipated which can shorten their lifespan.
Being angry and having massively hostile thoughts about another person is the equivalent of drinking poison in the hope that it kills someone else. This type of toxic thinking and behaviour literally takes years off of your life and all you are doing is killing yourself. That’s why such behaviour is a ‘Conversation with Death’ – your own death.
Remember this, if you are not in control of your emotional state then you are, by default, addicted to it.